christmas time presents

Christmas and the meaning

I just deleted a post about the various presents I unwrapped (early) for Christmas. I had an early Christmas with family and friends as I am away for the holidays. I'm in Calgary, Alberta, Canada right now. I deleted the description of the cool gifts I got because that is not what Christmas is about. I was spoiled this Christmas, and to those who spoiled me (everyone who got me a present, honestly!) I thank you very much. I know you didn't gift me with the expectation to be gifted back this year or any time in the future when I can afford it. My Dad told me so, it's not about expecting in return. And he's right. But I really do want to make it up to you guys whenever I can. Be it giving my girlfriend 75 massages over the course of the next year (and not just sissy ones because that's just a waste of 5 minutes and don't count) or even getting my Mom and Dad a killer entertainment system 5 years from now or buying my Dad a remote vehicle starter when I can finally afford presents greater than $30 in value. I appreciate that you all put so much effort into making these holidays great. Dinner was awesome. The time spent together afterward was memorable. Christmas is about relationships and giving.

-I thank each of you. Merry Christmas

sexy geeks

I found this site listing the person's top 10 sexiest geeks

I didn't make the list. Not even an honourable mention.

-Maybe next year

gamestuff

Good times

I have finished writing my exams for the semester, 12:30pm Saturday was my last exam. My grades are in, I'm pleased to announce I have passed all my courses this semester. Saturday's exam was a redo, because I'd taken and failed that class last year. My final grade was a 22% increase over my final grade for that class last year. I exceeded my expectations for the course and the others as well.

So now I have time for games. I've been playing Bookworm Adventures which consumed two hours of my life tonight. It's a great game that will easily distract you from the other things in your life that you might want to do, such as working out kinks in your website or playing Neverwinter Nights or Paper Mario for the Gamecube.

To relax, after my last final, I went to a christmas play on ice. It was a figure skating thinger, whatever those are called... ballet on ice? titled "If you just believe" which consisted of 200+ figure skaters dressed up in costumes telling a story. It was pretty cool, and an awesome christmas present to my girlfriend and I from my Dad. So I took them out for dinner afterward. My girlfriend and I spent the night at friends' house in Sicamous (a town an hour from here). That was a good night, I hadn't hung out with them in almost a year. The next day consisted of bowling with those friends, and shopping at the Vernon mall. Good times.

Now it's 2:37am and I've got to get myself to sleep. How am I going to wake up early enough to work on my website before the primal urge to entertain myself sets into motion?

-Hoping this made sense as I'm getting pretty tired here

exam time crunch time

Much ado about nothing?

Here's to hoping so. In 80 minutes I write my second of three exams for this semester's course load. I'm going into it with 61.36 out of 75 (which is 81.81%) for the course, currently. That 61.36% is my current grade for the course, meaning even without writing the exam (which is worth 25% of the total grade) I've already passed the course. But in the pit of my stomach I'm still getting that eerie feeling of dread and stress. I passed my first exam, I had 70.71% and after writing the exam I finished the course with 67.32% (the exam brought me down because I scored 58.5% on it).

It's Saturday's exam that has me worried most. I failed that course last year. I ended up with 42% (magical number, w00t). But there is a glimmer of hope, I'm at 36 out of 60 at the moment, being 60% for the current grade. I need only 14 out of 40 on the final exam to pass the course. I think I can do it this time around, I had 52% the first midterm, 62% the second midterm... maybe this time around I can get 72% on the final exam :) Ok, it's time for me to go. It'll take an hour to drive there and I now only have 72 minutes until the exam starts.

What a pointless post... I suppose it has helped a little to get it off my chest.

-Two days to go and I'm all done this semester

Dentistry

Dentistry

So I finally visited the dentist. I haven't been there since before I had my tongue pierced (last visit was December 2004, the piercing was at the end of that December).

I asked the hygienist a few questions.

1) Who requires flossing more often: tightly spaced teeth or those with gaps? The answer, people with no gaps between their teeth should be using floss on a more regular basis (though it's recommended everyone flosses daily. [Editor: But who does anyway?])

2) Plaque, what is it? I'll try not to bastardize what she told me... The answer is that it is calcified sediment. Loose food particles are floating around in your mouth and stick to your teeth. The food calcifies within 10 to 48 hours, which is why it is recommended you brush at least twice a day. Your tooth brush can rub off the sediment that is soft and not yet calcified, but when it finally hardens then odds are it's not coming off until you visit a dentist.

3) What does mouthwash do for you? Is it just for the prevention of bad breath? The answer, the hygienist says it's mostly for making your breath smell pretty. She recommends "anti-bacterial" mouthwash which helps to kill bacteria and prevent disease in your mouth. Gingevitis being one of those things it kills.

So there you have it. Brush your teeth and floss. Use mouthwash if you like, it makes your breath stink less.

-An apple a day keeps the doctor away. What keeps dentists away? Bad breath.

snowing snowing like a dwarf

So it's snowing outside

It has been snowing since yesterday. There's some 6 inches on the ground right now and more coming. On the way out from my house this morning I saw a car in a ditch rested up against a fence. My girlfriend asked that I spend the night at her place tonight so I don't have to drive home in the snow.

Here's to hoping the roads are clear enough tomorrow so I can drive to school. It's already a 50 minute drive from my place and I'll be in grandma mode tomorrow I'm sure.

Only 5 days of school left before the end of the semester! 5 days in which 3 projects are due and 2 homework assignments as well. Oh what fun! I'm looking forward to a nice break. A break in which I can finally find time to finish "Paper Mario 64" and start and finish "Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door" and play through "Metroid Prime" again and possibly buy and play through "Metroid Prime Hunters". And, you know, keep working on my website a little bit, too.

-Not enough hours in this week

my site

Oh!

Have I mentioned my website WaggSoft ?

-I almost forgot

Find some aspect that is your own

Find some aspect that is your own

That is the message I got from my professor tonight. I'm one part of two 7 person teams working on a weather/radar system for some researchers in Iowa. I haven't yet found my niche in my group, where I belong. The 6 other people all seem to know what it is they want to do with it and they do just that. They do their part. I guess I'm just not as excited about this project as other people are.

I'm a Computer Science student. This is my 5th year in University. I've attended a total of 43 months of instruction within everything from English and Japanese to Calculus, Physics, Chemistry, Philosophy and yes, Computer Science. I've spent no more than 3 weeks away from this institution in the last 3 and a half years of the 4 years and three months I've been attending.

I'm not a great student. In fact, my grades haven't really mattered to me all too much the whole time I've attended. I've failed 3 courses. Since then, I've successfully completed two of those three my second time around. The third course I'm currently taking again and doing well enough. Why do my grades not matter? I feel I'm getting as much from my post secondary education that I could hope for. Which brings me back to my lack of interest in this weather/radar project...

My professor last week presented a lecture on the aspect of a human resource person within a company. One of his questions was something of the following: Who would you rather hire...

a) A veteran professional in the industry who has zero knowledge of the system he would be responsible for working on and the programming language it is maintained in.
b) A new graduate who may not have the best grades. He does have some idea of what the system does and has dabbled with the programming language the system is written in. His grades are lower than nominal but only because he spent his class and free time working on his own projects. He educated himself.
c) A new graduate who may or may not know what your company or your product does and who may or may not have any previous experience with the programming language the system uses. But he had top grades in his class.

I think it went something like that. If I can't recall correctly it's because my nose was buried in my laptop while I was teaching myself PHP and JSP. When posed with the question of who I would hire as an HR manager I chose the second guy. I guess the consensus of the class (and the professor) say the grad with the top marks is the best choice. I suppose I might be in trouble if that's the case.

I digress again. Back to the project at hand and my lack of enthusiasm for it. I've spent no more than three weeks (Christmas break) away from this University since the beginning of my second year here. Why? I'm not only a student. I'm also a research assistant. I know what it's like to work on a big project and I know the difficulties in managing time. And frankly, to quote one of my Professors, Dr Alan Paeth, "The smart programmer is a lazy programmer". So I've adopted that philosophy but replaced "programmer" with "student". I don't want to write myself into a corner here for the off-chance a future employer might find this blog and query me on it. I have two other class projects (an Amazon.com clone and a web-based multi (2+) player battleship game) to take care of. I'm not the only one who's getting burnt out with the sheer volume of project time that must be dedicated to the projects.

I wish I had a conclusion to put in here. As I write this I imagine I'm writing for Wired magazine and thousands of people would read this. I'm just tired. I have to find my place in this group and show the professor I can do something when it comes to working with a team. On the bright side, I'm developing a pretty kick-ass website for a first time around. Here it is at waggy.is-a-geek.org for all to see. I develope it Monday through Friday between the hours of 8am and 4pm. Always more to come...

-Educating myself

Lurv

I love you

I have said it and it has been said in return. Wow, that's an awesome thing to hear. To think, in a previous relationship I put up with not hearing a mutual "I love you" for three and a half years. To be fair, I heard it twice before this relationship, but she played it off like it was a joke I tricked her into. This time it just feels right, like I'm not the only one who's making an attempt. She's sweet! An awesome girl.

-Not just a computer virus any more

Ghetto

Broken glass

That's what I had waiting for me Wednesday morning as I went to my car to drive to school. The night before, someone had smashed my drivers-side window. There was still a lot of glass hanging from the frame, evidence that they were not attempting to break in. Nothing was taken, the door was still locked. Someone must have decided it would be fun to smash some glass and disappear.

-Boo-urns

Alternate Reality

On a lighter note, I've been messing around with an old computer that was given to me this summer. I've turned it into a webserver which can be found HERE, complete with a blog and forums. I'm still working on it, my next goal is to get the mailserver set up so I can operate emails out of it from addresses such as kyle@waggy.is-a-geek.org

-Wouldn't that be fun

two months later

Two months later...

Yes, there's been a temporary hiatus. I finished up my summer research (at least for the year) and took a little vacation. My girlfriend, her sister, and I went to Edmonton where I visited with my sister and her husband. It was nice to see the two of them again. While we were in Edmonton we made a visit to the West Edmonton Mall. Unfortunately while I was there I did not stop in at the BioWare studio. Most of the vacation was spent in Lloydminster, a city that exists on the border of Alberta and Saskatchewan.

School's been going well. I failed a class last year, Algorithm Analysis. Thus far I have passed the midterm and done very well on the homework. The other classes are going great, too. But wow! I get a lot of homework this year, I've never been so busy. I do have plenty to keep me occupied outside of school.

My girlfriend is great. We're going to a gym together to work out. I'll attempt to get buff, she'll look even hotter.

I bought a Nintendo DS and a couple games. "New Super Mario Bros" is a great game. Since I've beaten it I can't say I've felt like replaying it. "Super Mario 64 DS" is a whole different game in itself. There are enough things changed between the Nintendo 64 version and the DS for even experts of the 64 version to want to play.

And I've been messing with an old computer I was given. You can find it at waggy.is-a-geek.org where I've got another blog going there. Not much in it though.

-Busy computer scientist

Stay off the sidewalk...

... I have my motorcycle license. I passed my road test yesterday and now hold my class 5 and 6 licenses. I celebrated by taking my girlfriend out for a cruise beside both Okanagan and Kalamalka lakes last night. I can finally take passengers with me.

My relationship is going awesome. My work is getting boring, frustrating, stale.

It seems to me that my life goes through cycles. While there are things that do not effect the cycle so much, there are others that definitely come and go in waves. CounterStrike, for example... I'll play it for a month at a time, and then won't touch it again for anywhere between 8 to 12 months, at which time I'll play it again for a month straight. Occasionaly I'll get caught up in work where my effort is noticed to great effect, but that's only for a month of a four month summer. Video games, that's a more frequent occurance. I'll play my games for a couple weeks, then drop them for a month or two then I'll pick them up again.

There's probably other cycles that I could call attention to but they aren't coming to me off the top of my head. A month ago I was looking forward to school starting, now I just don't know. I'm really looking forward to my work ending, but it's just dragging on so long. It's not that I don't like working, or even the project(s) that I'm working on. It's that my attention is being split between completing one project and getting another started and it's a different sensation.

My professor wants me to finish our codling moth project so we can get our paper into pre-publishing. On the other hand she had me start another project this summer, to do with honey bees and a transgenic apple gene. She wants that one completed so we can start running experiments so as to get another paper written. That's what is frustrating. I can't focus on any one project so I forget what it is I'm doing and then I play a video game (Super Mario RPG which I just finished 30 minutes ago. Next up is Paper Mario for the n64). If I don't have anything to show for, I feel my professor will be disappointed with me. And of course she will be. So I can spend the next two hours of my time filtering data and coming up with results for our codling moth project or I can spend that time programming bee/flower/hive behaviour and have something to show for the bee project. Ack!

Sorry, that's off topic, I just went on a bit of a rant. I'm going to get back to work here, probably just filtering data because it's monotanous and easy to fall into a groove.

-Taking the easy way out today

crystal clear

Looking back

The last few posts I've made over the last few months (starting at the beginning of May?) have much referred to a tight group of friends. Those included Adam, Jenn, Crystal and I. Adam is a friend of mine from University who is in the same degree/year that I am in. Have I told you the story of how we all came to hang out this summer?

I got a phone call from Del, my 'other mom'. She knew I didn't know too many people where I'm living. She gave me the number to a friend of hers who was my age who had given her permission to tell me to call her some time to go party. I called that girl, Stephanie, that night. She invited me to a party at her place and a bush party to follow later, for the next night. Steph said I could bring a friend if I liked. So I called Adam.

Adam and I show up, we're the first there. You learn :-p don't show up too early. Later that night while people are showing up, two girls arrive together. Two gorgeous girls, one brown haired with brown eyes and a pretty face and another tall bombshell of a blonde. These were Jenn and Crystal respectively.

Now, I didn't know anyone at this party before I showed up to it. Not even Stephanie. Adam didn't know anyone either, so we were there and relying on Stephanie to keep us entertained. It turns out Jenn and Adam worked together a couple summers before, which had them talking. Crystal and I didn't really talk to each other at the house. Later that night we're at the bush party and I'm kind of hanging out with Stephanie, but she informs me she's leaving. So Adam and I are left to our own devices, which in the end turns out to be a blessing. Adam, Jenn, Crystal and I spend the rest of the night until 4am talking. Once in a while we're harassed by a guy named Mike who doesn't drop the subject of "Labia" and "juices flowing". It almost got physical a few times as Adam and I did what we could to have him stop bothering the girls. That would be another story all together.

I would later learn that Crystal might not have even showed up to the party at all. She just happened to see Jenn walking passed her house that same day. Jenn asked Crystal if she'd like to go to a party. Crystal hummed and hawed and was finally convinced to go. Upon arrival at the party, they picked out the two guys they *might* like to get to know. Adam and I were the ones they picked out. Jenn knew no one at the party before-hand except Stephanie, and then Adam. Crystal knew no one at the party except Jenn. When Stephanie left later that night, we were brought together by necessity and a few social ties. The rest is history.

What history? Since meeting the girls we have played pool together. Gone camping. Walked Kal Lake park during the day and night. Had our fair share of scares along the Kal Lake Park trails at night without a flashlight. Built a fire along the beach at Cosin's Bay. We have made up stories one word at a time between the four of us. Enjoyed frappuchinos and slurpees and icecream blizzards. Gone out for dinner countless times across the Okanagan and Shuswap Valleys. Danced too many nights to count, weekend or weekday. Gone ten pin bowling in Kelowna. Watched more movies than I dare remember. Enjoyed each others company at the cinema and drive-in theatre. We've done coffee at a lot of the coffee shops around here. We've watched the "Teen Girl Squad." Gone floating down the river in Enderby on tubes we bought and blew up the same day. We all went together when I got my ears pierced. We've done barbeques and family get togethers. Roasted marshmallows and made smores in my back yard, and movie nights on the big screen.

That's all I can remember off the top of my head. That is the history. We did this for two months, Crystal and I paying special attention to one another. We finally made it official. We've been together for almost two weeks now, July 9 being a date for us to remember. We have more plans for the rest of the summer.

-Best summer ever!

the living living

I am alive

What has happened in the last month? I went to a conference at the University of Notre Dame in Southbend, Indiana. So I got to see some of Chicago, and most of the Notre Dame campus. I was there from June 21 to June 25.

My ears are doing well. They are well on their way healing.

My Mom is visiting, so I got to see her for the first time in 4 years.

The clutch on my motorcycle died, so I've replaced it.

I went cliff-jumping all last weekend during Canada Day long weekend. I am now a nice tan colour.

-Still living

pierced times 4 times

Metal person

I now have a total of seven piercings. This last Saturday (two days ago) I brought out my friends Adam, Jenn and Crystal to my 'hometown' I grew up in. I went to the piercing shop my friend from highschool works at. She ran a needle through my ears four times, twice in each lobe. Now I'm set up for orbitals, where one ring sits within two piercings. At the moment I'm wearing four rings as the swelling goes down within the next few days, and soon after I'll be good to go with my orbitals.

Motorpickle

I've insured my motorcycle, a Yamaha Virago 750cc all cherry red with flame tints. I've been riding that around the last week, save for the days it rains (3 of them, today included because it's rainy).

People

I've still been keeping busy. I got kicked out of a bar two weekends ago, I think because I was too drunk and stumbling when I walked. Not very proud of that, but it was my first time getting kicked out.

Likewise, there have been lots of movies to watch and beaches to walk and frappuchinos to drink and lakes to swim and sun to soak up and floors to dance on. This is still an awesome summer, and only 1/4 started.

-I've seen the ex around, maybe she's seen me too

Frappuchino on the lake

Frappuchino on the lake

For my own records; Frappuchinos on Kal Lake, at the end of the dock. Laying on our backs, pointing out constellations and realizing no one else can see where you're pointing. Getting cold then getting someone else to warm you up. Game of Questions. Long drive. This blog sounding like a yearbook writeup.

-How many times...

beach and movies

Learning so much

I've been busy this entire last week and a half. I've been trying to maintain a decent amount of sleep and it has been tough. Take yesterday for instance; I wake up early in the morning so I can stop in Summerland to visit a friend at her work before meeting my other friends for a hike and barbeque. She's a hostess at a vineyard and looks very nice in her work uniform. She sets up a little-wine tasting for me and we visit for a short time.

I finally get to Penticton to visit my other friends as we're all supposed to be going for a hike and then back to their place for a barbeque. Seven of us do our hike, and between the 7 of us we find a total of 20 ticks (lime-disease carrying pests that burrow into your skin) on ourselves. As far as I know, no one has found one buried into their skin, so we must have found them all.

We do the barbeque, have a water fight, chill out for a while then gradually all leave. I left at 5:30pm so I could make it back home to Vernon for 7 or 7:30, giving me enough time to get myself showered and ready for that night. I stop at my Grandma's before heading over to yet another friend's house in town, so I can give her her Mother's Day card a little early.

I arrive at my friend's place at quarter to 9 and find she knows another friend of mine from University, Kevin. So they all partied it up there for a couple hours. Steph didn't like that I wasn't drinking before heading out, so she fixed that problem.

Adam shows up, after I talked him into it. Steph calls Jenn, on Adam's behalf, for her to come out. I call Crystal, but she didn't have the opportunity to go out. So our group all went out, we drank, we danced. I don't think I ever drank so much while out in town before. Even after the night was over and I was back at Stephanie's place, we talked until 5am, the sun was coming up and I was still feeling the alcohol. When I drove home, I still hadn't slept and the sun was shining in my eyes.

I woke to the sound of the phone ringing at 11am. So today I hung out at the beach all day, followed by dinner elsewhere and hours worth of movies. We watched "Zoolander", "8 Crazy Nights", and "Anchorman", all of which I had never seen before. Adam missed out on the fun at the beach and the movies so I rented "The Machinist" and watched that at Adam's place.

Now I'm home and I work in 6 hours. You can see the problem... so many things to do and not enough hours in the night to do it. It has been like that the last 11 days. I've done coffee, chilled at the beach, shot pool, cooked dinner, walked, partied in a gravel pit, fed ducks, more coffee, gone clubbing, gone hiking, tasted wine, barbequed, gone to Karaoke, hung out in a pub, partied at a house, played Nintendo64, played GameCube, watched the above mentioned movies as well as "The Family Stone", "Donnie Darko", and "Austin Powers 3: Goldmember", and stayed up all night watching infomercials and cooking shows; I've probably forgotten what else might have been done, and all of the above has been done with at least one member of the opposite sex.

-Shaping up to be the best summer ever

ex bleh

Too Awesome!

This shirt is dedicated to the one ex-girlfriend every guy has in his life that makes a man wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?" Sure, your buddies knew she was the devil from the beginning and they did try to warn you, but did you listen? Of course not. Were you blind? Were you just too stupid? Nope. You were just going through a Rite of Passage every man must make in his life. Like those National Geographic specials where the young male villagers must go wrestle a crocodile to be declared a man. Well, think of that crazy ex-girlfriend as that crocodile. Just be happy that you didn't put a ring on that crocodile's finger and decide that you wanted to wrestle it for the rest of your life. Because there are those poor, unfortunate bastards out there. I mean, who the hell would want to do that forever? Well, there are some guys who just plain like to wrestle crocodiles. Or how does this sound, "Sorry guys, can't go out tonight and have fun, have to stay home and wrestle the crocodile." You see where this is going? So to the young bucks who are just coming up, don't worry, your crocodile is out there and you will get to wrestle her soon enough. To the veterans, I raise my beer to you and say, "When going through hell, keep going."

-Had I the money, I'd buy that shirt

entertain me

Michael Shantz

I'd like to take up some space here on my blog to bring your attention to a very talented artist and good friend of mine, Mike Shantz. If you know of anyone needing some original art done in a unique style, contact him through his myspace account or email me and I'll pass the message along to him. He's particularly interested in album art for musicians. He does posters too, as well as water colour, acrylics and designs for clothing.

-Check him out

Summer time is here

Everyone has moved home for the summer break. Motorcycles are on the road. People are getting out during the day to enjoy the sun.

I went for a hike Friday afternoon throughout Kalamalka Lake Park. That was a good walk. I didn't see any rattlesnakes or marmots or really anything else of interest. Not that I really really want to come across a rattlesnake anyway, but I'm the typical wide-eyed boy about strange creatures. I guess I'm just curious.

-Slow update season

school is almost out now

What can I say here?

I don't really know what to write here. I want to write about all the cool things that have been happening to me lately, but at the same time I know there is the remote possibility that Melissa is reading this. I don't want to rub salt into any wounds that may be present. I currently have a scar, which is why I'm able to continue living with all these great people and have a good time doing it. I'm sure one day that scar may open and I'll be left with a big ugly wound again, but nothing that won't make me tougher the next time around.

And with that, if She doesn't want to be hurt reading my stuff then she doesn't have to read my stuff. And if She wants to read so she can see I've moved along and am having a good life, so be it.

Black Nails

I had black fingernails all day long yesterday. I felt pretty damned good about it, too. One girl told me she thought it was hot for a guy to be comfortable enough with his 'feminine side' to wear black nail polish and feel good about it. Another girl offered to help me out with my right hand next time :-/ I'm no lefty. She also offered her nail polish, seeing how I don't have any and had to use a black sharpie marker.

Hmm, what else? I spent two hours in the school weight room last night. I feel pretty good about that. I went there with a friend of mine from residence here (Did I mention I've moved into residence on campus?) I've got Aikido tonight but unfortunately it is year-end and all my classes are asking for the class projects to be completed.

I have met some great people up here in residence. One is the little sister to a girl I went to school with/lived in residence with three years ago. The girl who offered her assistance with my finger nails is from Salmon Arm (it's about an hour from here) which is cool because she went to/graduated from the same school I went to while I lived there (as some may recall, I moved away from there at the end of my grade 11 year to graduate in Georgia for my grade 12 year).

I can stay up waaay late :) which is what I did last night. I've been working on an "Artificial Intelligence" class project. I finally got my intelligence working in my Minesweeper program. So my Minesweeper can partially solve a board. I just have to tell the program what not to do, because some times it picks blatantly wrong choices that no human would choose.

There's my quick update. I was up until 4am last night. It is currently 9:48am and I have class in 12 minutes.

-Busy school life

Teh Funny

Teh Funny Cyanide and Happiness

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
-Hooray for theme parks

lit happy

"Lit - Happy In The Meantime"

It's just another reason why
It all comes down to you and I
Just have another drink
Waste some time with me
We're happy in the meantime

I've gotta make up for losin' time
Cuz I've been spinnin' my wheels all night
And I can't wait
Can't hardly wait to see you
Things seem better off now
I think I'm better off now

[CHORUS:]
It's just another reason why
It all comes down to you and I
Just have another drink
Waste some time with me
We're happy in the meantime

I guess the rain's gonna follow me
Cuz it's been droppin' in minor D.
And I can't wait
Can't hardly wait to see if
Things seem better off now
I think I'm better off now

[CHORUS]

Well save a little rain
And wash away the pain
I'll try and keep it clean
I'll show you what I mean
I don't wanna keep you holdin' on
Cuz in the morning I'll be gone

-So long.

great people

Great people did not become great by following others.

Mahatma Gandhi gained independence for India through civil disobedience.

And there is that Che Gueverra guy.

The little engine that could never gave up when the others expected him to fail.

The ugly duckling didn't drown himself in a pond.

Ok, so I ran out of real world examples. The point being, great things happen when people follow their own path and listen to their heart, figuratively speaking. So do what you feel is right to do. If you follow others, either through advice or opinion, you may regret it later. Blaze your own trail and you may one day become a great person who has touched the life of many people.

-It all starts with touching the life of one person.

falling out here

It's tough.

My exgirlfriend and I had a bit of a fight yesterday. She came home with waffles, a nice gesture because she doesn't eat waffles, I do. There were a lot of waffles. Then I found out she had done something that upset me. I should not have been upset. At least, I wouldn't have been upset had I moved out of our apartment two months ago. As was written previously in my blog, I had decided to live with her as a room mate, and if I had it my way, a friend. Things were good, until I got upset.

I apologized sincerely soon after my words were done. She invited me to go with her into town for errands, nice enough, but she said she would not talk any more of what had upset me. I agreed; my exact words were, "I won't ask, you won't tell. What I don't know can't hurt me." To which she replied, "Then maybe I should tell you everything so it hurts you."

Ouch. How uncalled for was that. I hurt, I was really hurt. I told her she could leave without me, that I'd do what I needed to do without her, later. When she left, I locked my computer with a password. I also password protected the screensaver. I was more upset at what she had said than what I inquired her about earlier that hour. I reacted, I removed her access to the social aspects of the internet.

I packed what I needed and left. When she came home, she was angry to find I had locked her out of the computer. To be fair, I had said she could continue to use the computer after our breakup and that should she find she still needed a computer after she and I moved out and went our separate ways that I would allow her to continue to use the same computer in her new home. She phoned me, pleading for me to grant her the password to the computer. She even said 'Please' which almost broke my heart to continue to deny her. I retaliated to her hurtful words when now I know I shouldn't have retaliated at all. At least that's how I feel.

I phoned her back soon after, getting her voicemail, and left her a message with the password. Later, still, I went back to our home and I unlocked the other password protection I had committed; the login screen. She wasn't home when I did this, but she walked in just as I was walking out. Again it hurt me so much to hear the anger in her voice. Nobody deserves to be yelled at, and nobody deserves hurtful words regardless of what another has done. And I expect, after hurtful words have been exchanged, the conscience comes around and that person feels it appropriate to apologize.

Here I am, I apologize in regard to my actions. I'm sorry I retaliated by locking her out of the computer I gave her permission to access. And as such, I think I am being an honourable person when I say (knowing that she has access to read this and I hope she does) that she need not apologize to me. Am I naive in seeing (or thinking I see) the good in all people? I forgive her for her harsh and unexpected words. I could very well just go home, but that would be me causing a thorn in her side. I've paid rent up to the end of this month, I'm entitled to be there. But if she really hates me and wants to cause me hurt like she said she did, I don't think I can go back there.

I want to make the best of the next few weeks. Maybe we'll agree to disagree and I will just move my stuff out next week. Either way, this issue needs to be resolved. I want to talk to her. I want to thank her for the waffles. I want to be comfortable in my own home.

-Story of a lonely guy

waggy lyrics

Blink-182 - Waggy

Watching your house shrink away in my rear-view mirror
As I drive away
Wishing that I could take back all those words
That meant nothing that I didn't say

I'm trying
To be what you want me to be
But it's so damn hard to keep playing the part
Of the fool, week after week

I think you need some time alone (I think you need some time alone)
You say you want someone to call your own
Open your eyes, you can suck in your pride
You can live your life all on your own

Is this all going to be just another time
That we play this game?
I've tried to convince you that things could be different
But somehow they end up the same

But what
Did you expect from me? What am I supposed to do?
You say that you're starting to feel like you're getting lost
Well, I do, too

I don't wanna live this lie again (I don't wanna live this lie again)
I know I'll get it right but I don't know when
I'll open my eyes, I've got something in side
I'll just jack off in my room until then

It's never over 'til it's done
And I don't think that you're the one
It's never over 'til it's done

-And I don't think that you're the one

much ado about sex

Much ado about sex

The title says it. But I'm thinking more along the lines of how to become a better lover. Back in my youth (ok, so I am still in my youth) my Dad gave me The Talk by giving me a book to read and telling me, "If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask."

So I've grown up (but still not that grown up) with that in mind. I ask questions when I want to know more about something. I can still call up my parents and strike up a conversation with them about things that would make others blush. We were not hedonists in any sense at all; there was still very much a sense of privacy in our home, while growing up. And look at me, I'm getting off topic here. Point being, I'm looking to better myself and I'm expanding my resources.

The aforementioned book is titled "Sex: A Mans Guide" by Mens Health Magazine. It's some 600 pages long and covers most anything a 15 year old boy could want to know about sex. I read it cover to cover, appreciating what my Dad did for me in providing me with this book. It was his book, so I returned it to him when I was through reading it. This is the point where I'm supposed to tell you the words of wisdom he imparted on me that day, but I really can't recall if he said anything. Years later (two years ago) I came across the same edition of the book in a used book store. Needless to say, I purchased it.

That about covers my book experience, short of "Penthouse Letters" and the various porn magazines bought for me as practical (and how practical!) jokes over the years. Have you ever heard of Sue Johanson? She's this wonderful lady (at least she comes across as a wonderful lady on TV) who plays host on the television show "The Sunday Night Sex Show", though now I think it has been renamed "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson". Well, almost every year she comes to the University I attend, and every year I've missed her appearance. She'll be visiting here March 3 and I intend to attend. I don't know if it'll be a taped (for TV) event, or if it's just a seminar with a question/answer period at the end. Jeez, wouldn't that be scary? asking questions about your (failed?) sex life in front of a forum of people. I love the lady, and I hope she's as pleasing in person as she is through the CRT.

I've ordered the "Kama Sutra" by Anne Hooper. It's another text to study. You can't by this book used. Well, you physically can because it is possible to. But it's a sex guide, people. Do you really want to order someone else's used sex guide? I didn't think so.

-I'm blessed to have such open minded parents.

peph and myspace

Afterthought: I'm on MySpace

Yeah, after reading Pephemie's most recent post on her blog, it appears she's got a MySpace profile as well. And that brought to my attention that I don't know where hers is on MySpace... which led me to the "Aha!" moment that no one knows where my profile is either. So here it is.

-I don't blog on MySpace... that's what this is for.

wisdom of cliffy

Some advice from Cliffy B

I would have asked his permission to post this on my blog but the guy never responds to my emails so I can never be sure he even gets them in the first place.

-----
Find someone that makes you feel like a king/queen. Hang on to them.

The second they stop looking at you "that way" it's time to leave.

Relationships are like cell phone providers. None are perfect. You just find one that works most of the time and doesn't flake out on you when you need it most.

Spooning is fun... until you wake up with a numb arm.

Clumsy is the new sexy.
-----

Excellent words of wisdom, thanks CliffyB.

-Back to studying for my Artificial Intelligence midterm

upkeep of me

Philosophy

Sitting here in philosophy class, Phil 121. It's a first year course and doesn't ask much work of me. That's kind of a good thing, as I don't really want to work to get a grade here. One of my computer science professors tells me 'The smart programmer is a lazy programmer' so why not extend that to first year classes? The smart student is a lazy student. So study when you need to and have fun otherwise... maybe.

-Don't take this advice if it is your first year of post-highschool education

just a bad time of my life

Was busy for a while

My girlfriend and I, of the last 3 years and 4 months, have seperated. It's not an easy thing to do, but she wanted to go through with it. I loved her, and indeed still do, so it is really tough for me. How do you get over something like that? I'm doing my best to keep myself busy. I've joined my University's Aikido club. I get out to visit my friends more. I sleep in more than I used to. I don't want to have to keep myself busy, but it helps to alleviate the hurt. I hope I never get good at things like this.

So in honour of our lost relationship, I present to you Craig's Brother and their song "Set Free".

Craig's Brother - "Set Free"

I guess there's only one place to go from here
I think the options are clear anyway
I'm sure you're tired of waiting for me
To figure out where you fit in
I guess I'm afraid of what we could be
Cause I don't want to sell you short of your dreams
I'm sorry for making you wait for me
Cause I don't want to hold you down
But I don't want to set you free
I don't want to make you run from me

I guess it's hard to believe that I
Could make myself give up
After all this time you and me
Trying hard to make sense of our differences
Pretending we both had everything
I guess I believed in our fantasy
You only loved the one you wanted me to be
I'm sorry for breaking your faith in me
I don't want to hold you down

But what if you're more than I could please
Could you accept apologies?
I don't want to squander all your time
I don't want to mislead you
I think we both knew that it was done
Sorry I had to be the one
Sometimes I wish it were the other way around

-I wish you weren't supposed to be set free