It's not like my heart is broken or anything... just chipped a little

So why does it hurt so much. I thought I had found the one girl I could be with for a long long time. I probably shouldn't say this kind of stuff, though, for fear that I'll make myself look like an ass to her. She says she feels like an ass, but she sounds so empty when she says it. Like none of this bothers her. Which goes to show how into making this work, I was. She says there's hope for later, that we will always have 'later'. But, she says, I could be married by then. What the fuck good does that do to me? I really shouldn't be so broken by this. So why does it hurt so much.

Now there's no first kiss. There's no cuddling on the couch. There's no falling asleep together. There's no holding hands. There's just me knowing that she's going to be dating other guys over the course of the next year. We can always have 'later' but I'm afraid of later. We talked about that, once. We were afraid that we would both find partners and that we'd never end up together. It was all a facade, I assume. This is twice I've been broken in the same way, a little more than a year apart from each other. So why does this hurt so much.

-We'll always have our moment
-Soul mates? I can only hope