"Box Car Racer - I Feel So"

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callused
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

-Speaking the language of music

My name is

I am an 18 year old virgin. Fairly rare these days? I think it is, according to what everyone else says about me. I'm not a saint; I still wank in bed. And I'm comfortable enough to say that here, even where my Dad's long-term girlfriend can read it (hi delothermum). I party, I think of women. I look forward to my first year of college, because I don't have any hell of a clue what's going to happen. I wonder what my first time having sex is going to be like. I don't wonder about who it's going to be with, because I already know. I am a man, therefor I worry I might be like every other guy and end up hurting the one I love, or whatever strong feeling I should use. I'm just another guy. I'm not too good to be true. Nobody should have to worry about breaking my heart. If you think about how you might break a heart, you'll invent ways to do it. If you start to invent ways to break a heart, you'll end up breaking that heart as a way to justify that you thought you might break a heart. I have faith in people. I have faith in you. I'm 18 years old, 5' 7", 145 lbs. Dark hair, green/yellow/blue/grey eyes (all at once, no contacts). Semi-tan/white skin. I want to feel love, but I don't want to set myself up for a heart break. In relations, I want it all or none. I'm not the kind of person to date more than one person at a time. That makes me feel like a player, and a player is at the bottom of the barrel in my books. In the perfect partner, I look for honesty. She has to be someone I can share my feelings with. Someone I can share anything with. She has to be intelligent and mature. She has to believe in herself, and trust herself. If you don't trust yourself, how is anyone supposed to trust you? She's got to make me smile, and she has to make me want to be with no other girl than herself. Loyal, affirmed, confident.

-But enough about me, let's talk about you

Writing for the sake of writing

I don't know what about. But I'm just writing. It's 2:17am, I'm half-chatting, half-sleeping and half-writing in my blog. So, uh, I'm made up of three halves? I was chatting with a friend of mine from Georgia over AOL, earlier. She's in California with her cousins for the next two weeks. She wishes me good luck and says "You can do it". So it's good to hear what I want to hear from someone. Everyone else is a cynic.. maybe I should look that word up in the dictionary. I think I used it in the right context.

So, 'yesterday' was a 'work around the house' day. Like, mowing the lawn. Ever mowed the lawn in 90*F+ weather and close to '100%' humidity? Neither had I, until today, err, yesterday. Now, 'today' is Sunday. So that means 'grocery day'. I usually only go get groceries with my parents (I'm 18) because it's about the only family activity we do together, short of eating together at the dinner table. So that's my plan for tomorrow, and more lounging around the house listening to music. I also have this funny feeling I'm going to have to clean MY BROTHER'S BATHROOM tomorrow :(

-Super Mario Plumber

Patience is a virtue

I've been waiting for her all day. I know she doesn't get home until 12am, but I've been waiting anyway. Hope it was a good day at work. Hope I don't look crazy 0_o

-Never looks crazy
-PC Whipped: Whooopshhhh

PC Whipped

"MEST - What's The Dillio?"

There's this little girl and I think she's so fine
And I'm not giving up until she is mine
See I want to be her boy and I want her to be my girl
Because since I've met her I been in another world

She was just my friend and now I want more
There's something special to her she's not just another whore I said


What's D D D D Dillio Dillio
What's D D D D Deal Deal

See everybody else has gotten involved
That's not the way this should've evolved
I should have just told you how I felt
But when I'm around you my words just melt

She was just my friend and now I want more
There's something special to her she's not just another whore
I said

What's D D D D Dillio Dillio
What's D D D D Deal Deal

She was just my friend and now I want more
There's something special to her she's not just another whore
She was just my friend and now I want more
There's something special to her she's not

What's D D D D Dillio Dillio
What's D D D D Deal Deal

-Hope it's not illegal to post song lyrics 0_o

Site Update

The flames have 'done me good' for the last 4 or 5 months, but I thought it was time for a change. I'll try this template for a while and see if I like it. It's still got lots of customization to do, mostly adding my n00b counter again, and all the links. Change is good, as the saying goes.

-Changed

You H.O.M.O's suck - Honorable Order of Mactintosh Operators

For the record, I'm not homophobic, unless I'm around someone who's got a thing for Mac computers. Because, you know, Mac users are all... hardcore.. and stuff.

Follow this link to Penny-Arcades "this stuff is simple" parody. I mean, they're so good at parodizing stuff that they make it look simple. I came up with a parody and nobody understood it but me. I TRY TOO HARD! Check out Penny-Arcade's funny stuff->

"I use a Mac because I'm just better than you are. I mean, look at my coffee. This isn't just regular coffee. It's French or something. You, you probably don't even know what France is. My name is Raven, and I'm an elitist asshole."

Now, about the hottie friend; she's going to like this. It's quickly turning from "hottie friend" to "hottie girlfriend". But if it's the gf thing, it has to be done online. We can both wait as long as it takes (under a year) to see each other. Myself, I've gone 3 years since I last saw her, and that was when I last had a girlfriend, but sadly it wasn't her who was my gf. The last four nights, we've kept each other awake... until 5am; me on the webcam an MSN, "Hottie friend" on MSN. It's a little one sided as she gets to see me, but I don't want to force her into getting a webcam, as nice as it would be to see her. I'm all fidgety now just thinking of her. OH! Last night while we were doing the webcam thing, we told each other, "Only until 2am (eastern time)". Well, I was on the webcam and my internet cut out. I was typing and staring into the camera for 4 minutes before it told me I had been disconnected. I was all "Oh damn. What if she's going to bed now? What if she's mad because I just left!?". So I searched all over for her phone number, and I made the Über long distance phone call. From Georgia, USA to Manitoba, Canada. I hope my mom's got a $0.10 a minute plan that works. Now I'm out $7.50, but the "hottie friend" also called me back and charged it to her mom's phone for an hour, as well. I like this, now this year just has to pick up the pace and she'll have graduated and it'll be summer and...

-Hi Delothermum

Lyrical Update

"A New Found Glory - My Friends Over You"

I’m drunk off your kiss
For the another night in a row
This is becoming too routine for me
But I did not mean to lead you on
And it’s all right to pretend
That we still talk
It’s just for show, isn’t it
It’s my fault that it fell apart

Just maybe
You need this
And I didn’t mean to
Lead you on

You were everything I wanted
But I just can finish what I started
There’s no room left here on my bed
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you
(My friends over you)

Please tell me everything,
That you think that I should know
About all the plans we made
When I was never to be found
And it’s all right to forget
That we still talk
Its just for fun, isn’t it
It’s my fault that it fell apart

Cuz maybe you need this
And I didn’t mean to
Lead you on

You were everything I wanted
But I just can finish what I started
There’s no room left here on my bed
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you
(My friends over you)

Just maybe you need this
You need this
And I didn’t mean to
Lead you on

You were everything I wanted
But I just can finish what I started
There’s no room left here on my bed
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you

-Next on my life: A New Found Glory - (Everything I do) I Do It For You

Evil Movie Store

I used to love Hastings until they dissed me last night. I went there with the sole purpose of renting Shallow Hal and so my brother could buy his copy of Neverwinter Nights. There's no Shallow Hal's up on the movie racks, so I ask for the movie up front. Mind you, there's signs plastered up everywhere "If the movie or game rental is not in, we'll give it to you free". So I'm expecting, nay demanding, that Joetard Upfront working the counter either hands over the movie so we could rent it, ala paying money, and take it home to watch. And if he were incapable of doing such a simple task, he could hand over a "free rental" voucher like any good Hastings employee should do. This is what he says to me, "Sorry, we've given away so many today. It's like people are coming in now just to get the movie for free. We're expecting more tomorrow, come back then" and he shoo'ed us out the door.

-Doubley Evil

Prank Calls

While on the phone with "the girl" yesterday, we got on the topic of movies. And like all movie conversations, Star Wars popped up. We mentioned Episode 2, then I said that was the best of the episodes, in my opinion. She mentions Episode 1, so I went on to explain how I'd fallen asleep both times I tried to watch it. She asks how much of it I've seen. So I told her.... are you ready for this? I told her I'd watched it "from the beginning to the fight with the blue balls on the field. No! I didn't mean to say that. Uh, blue energy balls!? Blue spheres! Whatever?"

- Um, can we change the subject... please?

Happy Times

By the way, to those who still don't understand what rhymes with TOAD, this does: System of a Down... SOAD... TOAD. Get it? Nah, didn't think you did. Anyway, I've been having a good time with "the girl". We watched the fireworks at my old school on the fourth of July. I'd have counted that as a first date, except we went with her dad, step-mom and two younger sisters. So that counted more as a "family test".

Oh, about the waterpark :) It was fun, when things got *troubling* I either jumped into the water above my waist (not a good idea to stand waist high in the wave pool) or I closed my eyes and thought of hammers and mallets and sledge hammers. You can imagine what I was thinking of to ease the pressure, but it worked. Not that you want to read about the activity going on in my pants, anyway.

Still listening to SOAD, as well as "Eminem - Without Me" and some Injected. So... yeah. I've really been at a loss for words lately. I can talk to "her" but haven't really talked to any else. I like spending time with "her", and I hope she likes spending time with me. Then the dreaded thought of me leaving in 3 and a half weeks creeps upon me.

-Dreaded, and not the hairy kind

Rhymes with TOAD

So, I've been listening to a lot of System of a Down lately. So much that I've memorized all the words to "Toxicity" and most of the words to "Chop Suey". I've checked with lyrics.com to confirm what I've been lip-synching and it was pretty close. "New, what do you own the world? How can you own disorder? Disorder?" I was actually singing as "No! Nobody else on the world! Nobody else on the sidelines! The sidelines", but I got that cleared up.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be "having fun" at WhiteWater, Georgia's water park. Girls in bikinis, sure that should be fun. Well, can you spell "guy (me) in flimsy shorts surrounded by eye candy"? 8am I'll be there. Yikes. Don't know when I'll be back, but I think we're all going to make a day of it.

My mom's friend brought over her step-daughter last week. I met her, we exchanged greetings, then sat 15 feet from each other for 30 minutes not saying a word, just listening to the parents conversation. Word gets back to me from my mother, who spoke to her friend, that her step-daughter thinks I'm hot. She's supposed to be stopping by some day after she gets off work, which will be nice. Then we can talk. She works at a nursery, which I keep mistaking as an old folks home. *Reminder: Nursing Home == old folks home. Nursery == plants.

Let's lay out in the sun tomorrow and get burnt

Some people's children

I'd like to start off with a brief description of yesterday:
Great American Scream Machine: 10 minutes
Superman: 60 minutes
Freefall: 15 minutes
Georgia Cyclone: 10 minutes
Log Ride: 5 minutes
Georgian Scorcher: 10 minutes
De Ja Vu: 2 hours, which I wasn't going to wait for
Thunder River: 15 minutes
Ninja: 0 minutes
Acrophobia: 50 minutes
Mind Bender: 5 minutes
Looping Starship: 0 minutes
Batman: 10 minutes
Wheelia: 5 minutes
Most rides lasting less than 60 seconds: Priceless

I spent all day, from 11am to 8pm, yesterday at 6 Flags. It was a hell of a fun day, to say the least. I got to ride every ride there, save for De Ja Vu, which looks dumb anyway. I was ready to leave after 4pm, but my company didn't want to leave for a whole lot later than that. There was plenty of eye-candy to stare at, in the form of bikinis. Bright sun, to burn my skin to a crisp. It was a great day.

My mom talked to my sister about that hottie friend and it turns out my sister was telling the truth. The hottie friend likes me, or the way I was anyway. And the last time she saw me was two years ago. And how much can change in two years? I'll let you do the math. Regardless, if I ever get the chance, I'll treat her like a real lady.

And about the "some people's children" thing, it's pointed toward my (most of the time well-meaning) jackass of a brother. It must be the blonde roots or something, but really people who don't ask for excess information don't WANT IT. For example, when someone asked me how many children my mother has... Well, I'd have said "Five. Three older daughters, then myself and lastly, my brother". But Nooooooooo. My brother has to say "Seven, but two were miscarriages".

-I'm ridiculed in everything I do

Neverinstores Nights

After 4 days of waiting patiently *yep* I found Neverwinter Nights in Hastings. So they can shove that special order of mine down their cacks; whatever that is, but they can still shove it there. Regardless..... whatever. The last few weeks I've been here, I've been hyping my brother up for Neverwinter Nights. He saw videos of the game being played, he saw screenshots after screenshots. There was nothing of the game he didn't see. So today when we found it, he bought it with his money. It was $54.95 before taxes. I don't know the exact tax rate in Georgia, so I'll just guess it came out to $57.99 after taxes -- sure. So he brings it home, starts installing it. I put on Sakura Diaries to watch for the next hour. I end up falling asleep watching the three episodes -- there was no pr0n at all, just a scrub down by titties, some tittie groping and a guy who's receiving the tittie fun from his COUSIN. Back to the topic at hand, my brother started playing NwN after the movie was over. I wouldn't go anywhere near that room, I didn't need any more spoilers than the people in IRC have spouted off already. So, my brother plays the game for the next two hours before he gets bored and says "I don't like that game." "Why not?" I ask. He says "Because it's not at all like Diablo 2" (which he never plays any more). So I say "I'll buy NwN off you for $40" and he says "Sure". I ask him many times afterward "are you serious?" and it turns out he is, so I get $18 off the game. w00t.

While my brother was playing NwN, my sister called from BC, Canadia. Her totally hot friend, from Winnipeg is visiting her, she's been there for the passed week. The last time I had seen her friend, was about two summers ago, maybe three. And she was still a hottie then; imagine three more years to get even hotter (I'd like to imagine anyway) so you can see how I'd really like to see her again. My sister tells me she had talked with her friend a couple nights before for a few hours, and I was the subject. My sister isn't one to bullshit me, so I had to really question if she was screwing with my mind. She insisted over and over that we have to talk when I get back about her friend, etc etc. I still don't know to believe her or not. Sucks I won't get to see that hottie, my plane that takes me home left today at 2:30pm EST, and here it is 8:55pm EST and I'm still in Georgia. Looks like I'm here another month. So, anyway, I talked to her hottie friend for almost an hour today. She was bugging me about the whole missing out thing, and I really wanted to get off the topic. I didn't want to talk about that stuff in case they were fucking with me and I'd come across as an ass to the hottie friend. 'Oh, he likes me. Haha, I'm just playing him but this is fun' because I've had enough of that. Last time something like that happened... I won't get into it. I talked with the hottie friend, and it was all good. She said it's too bad I'll never get to see her this year and blah blah. When I got off the phone with the hottie friend, my sister wanted to talk to me again. I told her to show the hottie friend some recent pictures of me, especially the ones of me in a tuxedo from prom/graduation. Then my sister goes on to say she's serious and we really have to talk. I play it off like "Pfft, yeah right" and she's all "No shitting you. We have to talk". Hottie friend = 20 years old. WiLD2 = 18 years old. Hrmmm, she's got a boyfriend back in Winnipeg. See, they've got me obsessing about it now. Exactly the game they want me to play, or is it a game? Maybe it's real. OH NO.

-Here's looking at you, babe

Koga Ninja Magic, THIRD LEG ATTACK

Igo Ninja Magic Balloon attack counteracts the effects of koga ninja third leg attack. *HUPH* PUFF * HUPH *PUFF* [penis blows up]
Such is a scene from Lady Ninja, a movie I rented out of curiosity. Live action Manga, how corny could you get? It's no where near as good as Iron Monkey 1 or 2, Once Upon a Time in China 1, 2 or 3... It's pretty much at the bottom of the barrel.

Today I spent the latter part of the day driving through town visiting all the stores that might sell computer games, in search of the elusive Neverwinter Nights. Hastings had it in stock, but refused to sell it until tomorrow for fear that "They" will get mad at Hastings for selling it sooner. Circuit City told me they weren't expecting it until "The end of June" which tthe circuit city lady then corrected herself and said "Wednesday (tomorrow) or Saturday". Wal*Mart are a bunch of Cat-Turd burglers and there's no point in asking any one of them. Lastly, K-Mart is full of fucktards, and asking someone in there for some help is like asking "here's a giant monkey wrench, pull my tooth. Please sir, may I have some more." My last resort is charging into Hastings tomorrow morning/early afternoon and grabbing 1 of the 5 copies before they are sold out. 5 copies ordered for the RELEASE of a game?!?! How daft can you be?

-Incomplete ramblings

Undone - the Sweater song

I'm me
Me be
Goddamn I am
I can
Sing and
Here me
Know me

If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away
Watch me unravel
I'll soon be naked
Lying on the floor,
I've come undone

Oh no
It go
It gone
Bye-Bye
Who I
I think
I sink and I die

I don't want to destroy your tank-top
Let's be friends and just walk away
Hate you see you lyin' there in your Superman skivvies
Lying on the floor, I've come undone

Credit to Rivers Cuomo and Weezer

Celebrity Blog

Must be cool for Avril Lavigne to be considered a celebrity. After reading her bio she really seems like an (un)ordinary down-to-earth girl. So her blog wins a place on my blogs link, it's there on the left; just look. I refuse to write any more of her in this blog for fear that I'll write myself off as a lovesick fanboy. She's close to my age, the same nationality, total hottie...

A guy can dream, can't he?

Off Topic and A Dream

First off, I am slightly confused what the difference between 'Forgotten Realms' and 'Dungeons and Dragons' is.

I spent an hour at the local bookstore yesterday and I happened across the RPG section. $10 would buy me one campaign, cards (I assume), figures, character sheets, cutouts (I assume) and dice (again, I assume). I say 'assume' because on the box, there was no list of contents. Only "includes everything needed to play" which might include a dungeon grid as well. $10 is a great deal, especially since the first DnD Game I ever owned cost $60, which included 8 pewter figurines, dice, cutouts, hard dungeon grid, players handbook, DM handbook, character cards, character sheets, spell cards, item cards, weapon cards, equipment cards... the list goes on for all you can think of. I'm kicking myself in my @§5 now because my brother and I sold the game to a friend for only $15 two years ago before we moved. I don't know where I'm going with this rant, that's why it's off topic.

Now, about the dream. It's short and sweet, which led to my day being depressing until I found an item considered treasure. I had a dream that I was hanging out with some friends of mine, of which included a girl I've liked-very-much-so for the last year and more. I had a dream I had asked her for a kiss, and we proceeded to kiss. The day (in the dream) went good. Then I woke up, figures I had to at an inoportune time. Realizing it was just a dream, you could understand how that would start the day in a depressing way. Then I found the Spiderman skateboard in the mall...

Happy until threatened about college

It works, it really-really works

I spent the afternoon poolside today, for a good two hours. An hour into my relaxing pool-side loungefest I covered myself (at least my exposed skin) with Dark Tropical Tanning Oil. It worked. It really, really worked. Now the entire front of my body (body that was exposed) is red, but it didn't start like that. An hour in the sun, on my back, I was fine. I was white; pasty white. 20 minutes after getting out of the sun, I notice how brown I am. 40 minutes later (20 + 40 = 1 hour) the brown turns to hurting red. Now when I'm shirtless, I've got a white wife-beater (muscle-shirt) outline. The tops of my arms are red, the bottoms are white. the insides of my calves are red, the other 3/4 of my legs are white. Lesson learned:

-turn over

That's why it's called a vacation

I've spent the last few days at a friend's house, and she had a hottie friend of hers over, as well. That was amusing, but there's this whole age gap that kinda plays on you like "This is wierd" etc. So two days ago I was back home for a few hours while I completed next year's course selection for university. the schedule is mostly Monday, Wednesday and Friday (MWF) for the first semester. Tuesday (T) leaves me one japanese lab and Thursday (R) is my 3 hour long Chemistry lab. Screw that?! Since when does computer science have anything to do with Chemistry, unless it's a discipline thing.... and who's ever heard of discipline in College?

I helped out an old couple with their huge lawn, yesterday. Did that with my brother and a friend of ours. Then my ride showed up early and we had to leave our friend behind to finish the job and clean up. That sucked because I only had half a fence side to finish weed-eating. So 3 hours x at least $8 = decent money. We never got paid that day, either, because we had to leave so soon. And my brother has already spent the money that he doesn't have (it came from me). He's bought himself a GeForce 4; but not just any GeForce 4. No sirreee Bob. He's bought himself a GeForce 4 MX 420, which runs just as well as a GeForce 2 Ultra. For $99 it's a good deal, I think, but since I talked him into buying the GeForce 4 (he says "But I don't want to buy it because you said MX is bad"), maybe I can talk him into bringing it back for a refund and we could buy a GeForce 2 64MB Ti at BestBuy.

Again, regular updates aren't going to happen, this is a VACATION after all.

-Once upon a Fragglerock